Becoming the Quakers the World Needs Part 2

Lauri Perman, Twin Cities Friends Meeting
Part 2 of Keynote presentation to
Northern Yearly Meeting Annual Session, Saturday, May 24, 2025

Becoming the Quakers the World Needs: How is God Calling me to Use my Gifts in these Challenging Times?

This is my first time at NYM. It is my first time at any yearly meeting in 14 years. It feels really good to be among so many Friends and to feel, as newcomers to our meetings often say, “at home.”

The first yearly meeting I attended was Baltimore Yearly Meeting in 1990 when I signed up in advance to work with preschoolers.

At the pre-meeting retreat for Friends working with children, I sat next toTom Fox who was co-teaching the 2nd and 3rd grade class. For the next 15 years, I saw Tom regularly, especially after he became the BYM youth secretary and our son joined Young Friends.

I will return to Tom’s story later because his life had a profound effect on me and all of Baltimore Yearly Meeting. For now, I want to point out that we don’t know how deeply we’ll be touched by the people we meet this weekend. We are each other’s gifts. Together we become the Quakers the world needs — now and in the future that Emerson LaWall-Shane and the other young adults and children here will co-create.

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In considering the theme the program committee came up with, let’s begin with a paradox. Quakers are known for our social action, but the first thing we are called to do, in the words of George Fox, is to “Stand Still in the Light.” That’s uncomfortable. Many of us are acutely uncomfortable now. We see urgent needs, but we are overwhelmed and aren’t sure where to start or what is ours to do.

Thankfully our tradition gives us tools to discern our path. Discernment is our “super power,” giving rise to our courage, compassion, and clarity. Discernment tells us when to say yes and when to say no.

I will share my discernment experiences in the hope you will share your own experiences in the small group discussions and use your own spiritual vocabulary when you do.

I’ll share two examples — one yes and one no — and then share a simple acronym to guide 5 steps in spiritual discernment.

First my yes story. When the program committee clerk Mary Anne Crolley called to ask me to speak at NYM sessions, I was surprised. I felt an impulse to flee. I don’t know where I thought I would flee to, but metaphorically I wanted to escape the responsibility to consider the request. I told her, “I really wish you hadn’t asked me.” Years of Quaker practice have taught me that requests require discernment before giving an answer.

My first internal inclination was no because it felt daunting and presumptuous to talk about becoming the Quakers the world needs. But I’ve learned that fear often masks a true yes. Becoming the Quakers the world needs means overcoming our fears, doubts, and insecurities, trusting in the Light and in each other.

Mary Anne, in the spirit of Nominating Committee members who name our gifts said, “we asked you because you know how to listen inside. See if a “strong yes” arises.”

When I hung up the phone, the energetic impulse to flee was still in my body and I rose, took 15 steps, and heard the words, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” That was at least as big a surprise as Mary Anne asking me and it got my attention. It had been years since I had heard such clear direction.

I sat down to write to see if something would come and, in less than 24 hours, I had a nearly complete draft. That is an example of Way opening, which is one way our “yes”es are confirmed. The powerful flow and joy I felt in writing the first version reduced my fear and enabled me to call Mary Anne to say yes.

This wasn’t a small decision. Fourteen years ago, a car accident in central city Philadelphia left me with a traumatic brain injury. My brain, body, and identity were shattered and I lost all confidence. Years of rehab followed.

Although my disabilities are invisible, I live with continued deficits in many domains – in memory, attention, judgment, energy, decision-making and more. A year ago, when I was asked to give a talk about my spiritual journey in TCFM’s Friends Forum, I was terrified. Doing it anyway, and the TCFM community’s reception to my talk, was a powerful healing experience.

I am not as afraid today. I knew that preparing this talk would be another opportunity for healing and spiritual growth.

We can be useful even when we are broken, afraid, or don’t yet have the gifts for the tasks at hand.

When we are asked to serve — to become the Quakers the world needs — we are not asked to do the work by ourselves. We are asked to become a channel for Divine Love to manifest freely and to become partners with the Divine and each other to accomplish more than we can accomplish alone. We will grow our gifts as we are faithful.

We don’t work alone. Three Quakers, a Buddhist, and a Unitarian all gave feedback on earlier versions of this talk. These and other Friends are holding us in the Light as I speak this morning. One of the gifts of our historical Quaker legacy is the importance of accompaniment, the tradition of a minister and an elder. I am grateful to Maia Twedt for acting as my elder and holding us in the Light this morning.

What are some things I know to be true?

• I know that spiritual discernment works and can transform us and our communities.
• I know that it is both an individual and a corporate practice.
• I know that if we feel led to a task and act on that leading, we will be given the resources needed to carry it out.
• When we practice discernment and let ourselves be guided by our inner wisdom, we will be grounded, strengthened, and able to do things we didn’t think we could do, and we will find companions on the journey.

As George Fox would say, “This I know experimentally.”

Being deliberate about saying yes or no makes us stronger Quakers. It can transform our lives, make us feel worthy, and lead us into peace.

About 30 years ago, reading the chapter on “The Simplification of Life,” in Thomas Kelly’s book A Testament of Devotion, changed my life. Kelly talks about seeing a glimpse of a life of amazing serenity and peace that we know is possible and that we want for ourselves. He urges us to respond to calls for service based on whether there’s an inner rising of our hearts, not by a heady decision to squeeze one more thing into our busy lives.

Now for my “no” story. Thirty years ago I practiced Kelly’s method of discernment when I was asked to serve 2 more years as recording clerk for BYM. My head was willing. Normally people served 3 consecutive two years terms, so when I accepted the first term, I knew I was likely to be asked to serve 2 more. The search committee member assumed I would say yes and her disappointment came through when I said, “I’ll let you know.” I waited weeks to see if there was any inward rising. None came. I was puzzled, but it was a matter of spiritual discipline and trust to say no. I didn’t know why I was led to say no.

Nine months later at annual sessions, I got my answer when the search committee nominated someone who had a passion for serving as recording clerk. He loved it and he partnered beautifully with the new presiding clerk for the next 6 years in a way I would not have. That was confirmation to trust my lack of an inner rising.

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My examples of saying yes and no have embodied five elements of discernment. I created the acronym FORCE to remind us of these elements. I chose FORCE because we want to be a force for truth, justice, and love.

• F –  feed our spirits
• O – open ourselves
• R – refrain from quick decisions
• C – clearness and confirmation
• E – experiment and test

The first step in the discernment process is to find a spiritual practice that feeds us. Patricia Loring’s book about Quaker spiritual practice is called Listening Spirituality. Our listening methods may not be conventional or look like anyone else’s – we may pray, read poetry, bike, garden, or journal. The best listening methods are ones that call to us as deeply as the phrase in the Psalms that reads “as the deer longs for the stream.” The practice we long for is the one that quenches our spiritual thirst, nourishes us, and helps us learn to listen.

The second discernment element is to open ourselves to possibilities we haven’t considered. To be open requires cultivating inner and outer spaciousness. It is hard to hear calls or discern leadings when we are busy or plugged in. Remember how important insights come when we are in the shower or washing dishes. Paying attention is key. Often Spirit speaks to us in whispers, nudges, or dreams. We need to keep our eyes and ears open to pay attention to the still small voice.

The third step is to refrain from immediate decisions when asked to serve. This may be the most important step. It requires discipline, and we may be surprised by the considered answer that ultimately comes to us. Sometimes our instant “no” becomes a yes. Sometimes our “yes” turns out not to be Spirit-led at all.

Thomas Kelly’s passage that inspired me reads, “When we say yes or no to calls for service on the basis of heady decisions, we have to give reasons, to ourselves and to others. But when we say yes or no … on the basis of inner guidance and whispered promptings of encouragement from the Center of our Life, or on the basis of a lack of any inward “rising” of that Life to encourage us in the call, we have no reason to give, except one – the will of God as we discern it.” Nontheists may say “my inner guide.”

As an aside, we think of Kelly primarily for his spiritual contributions such as his essay on “The Gathered Meeting,” but we forget that he traveled to Germany to speak to German Yearly Meeting in August 1938. This was between the German invasion of Austria in March 1938 and Kristallnacht in November 1938. Some of the essays in A Testament of Devotion reflect the lecture he gave there. His writings have wisdom for us in our time. [There’s a wonderful essay about Thomas Kelly by Roger Owens in the Sept. 2017 issue of Friends Journal.]

The fourth step is to seek clearness and confirmation. Consult your inner guide as Thomas Kelly suggests – is there an inner rising to say “yes”?  Consult other Friends either informally or via a clearness committee. Look for indications that you are supposed to say yes or no. Does Way open? Do blocks appear? Are you supposed to overcome the blocks? This is a step we are familiar with, but we often reserve it for big decisions. I find that it is good to keep in practice using this in daily life. It helps us remain open and pay attention. Checking in with our inner guide is a form of spiritual nurture we can give ourselves.

It is important to get this step right. When we say yes when we’re not led to say yes, we block someone else’s opportunity to serve. When we say no because we’re afraid to say yes, we block our own spiritual growth.

I am very fond of Frederick Buechner’s quote, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” It is when we find that place that our gifts flow freely and Way opens.

The fifth step is to experiment. We take small steps and test for guidance. We wait for guidance in community and talk with one another as we will do this weekend. Standing still in the Light and taking time to be clear doesn’t mean doing nothing or waiting until all the details are figured out.

I am inspired by the 19th Century young adult Friend Caroline Fox who wrote, “Live up to the Light thou hast and more will be granted thee.” I imagine her entering a dark garden at night and taking a step forward onto a well-lit stepping stone. As she steps, the Light moves to the next stone.

That is how leadings and guidance often work. We go forward in faith that we’ll be shown the next step and that there is a path ahead in the darkness. We wait for confirmation that each step is correct before taking the next step. And we keep testing because sometimes we are released from a leading.

These steps are iterative and ongoing and we cycle through them repeatedly.

To be a FORCE in the world, becoming the Quakers the world needs, we need to feed our spirits, open ourselves, refrain from immediate answers, seek clearness and confirmation, and experiment and we do this in community.

DISCERNMENT IN COMMUNITY

We don’t become the Quakers the world needs as individuals. We become them in community. We identify each other’s gifts and call them forth. When I visited Friends Theological College in Kenya 20 years ago, I was impressed by how the students introduced themselves. They would say, “I’m John. I have a gift for ministry.” Their peers had helped name and affirm their gifts.That is how we build Quaker community. We can name each other’s gifts this weekend. Some NYM committee descriptions include a list of relevant gifts for committee members which is really wonderful.

We support one another’s discernment in many ways. Certainly by serving on clearness committees, but also when we serve on naming, search, and nominating committees. We identify the gifts that have led us to ask someone to serve and we encourage them to take the time necessary to discern. We tell them, “don’t say yes if you don’t feel led to say yes.” We invite Friends to tell us about their discernment process and we thank them for undergoing it.

When we practice discernment, there will be joy in the journey and peace in our hearts even when the work is difficult. Joy and peace are contagious and will help attract the next generation of Quakers the world needs.

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That brings me back to Tom Fox whose deep discernment led him to a life of service — and sacrifice. Some of you may have known Tom; others may remember his service. But, I am sad that today many friends have no idea who he was. I feel compelled to keep his memory alive, especially this year, the 20th anniversary of his kidnapping in Baghdad.

As I mentioned before, Tom was the youth secretary of BYM. He had been a Quaker for more than 20 years when he was led to take a Pendle Hill workshop with Rex Ambler on The Experiment with Light. Tom then started a Light group in his meeting.

The Light led him to join Christian Peacemaker Teams, now called Community Peacemaker Teams. Tom’s training was slow and steady. He participated in a summer peace-building course at Eastern Mennonite University. His first CPT action was among indigenous peoples in Canada, then he worked in Palestine, Syria, and Iraq. He worked with refugees and their children, Iraqi prisoners and their families, and helped start a Muslim Peacemakers Team.

Tom had a support committee, composed of Quakers and Mennonites. He came home periodically for rest and to share about his experiences. Prayer undergirded his life at home and in Iraq. He and his support committee had discussed what they would do if he were kidnapped or killed. They were well prepared for what eventually happened.

Tom and three other CPT members were kidnapped in Baghdad in November 2005. In March 2006, Tom’s body was found in a trash heap; his fellow captives were rescued a few weeks later. Tom was prepared to give his life and did. Like Sarah Mapps Douglass, Tom Fox is worth remembering.

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Drawing on Emerson’s talk and mine, we can ask ourselves two questions: “How are we called to meet this moment in history? How will future Friends remember us? Will they look at us as we look at those who relegated Sarah Mapps Douglass to the back bench? Or as we look at Sarah Mapps Douglass and her life of service and Tom Fox who gave his life working for peace?

Few of us, perhaps none of us, will ever be called to do work as sacrificial as Tom’s. All of us are called to discern carefully what it is we are called to do. Maia recently shared with me St. Therese, the Little Flower’s, statement “I do small things in great love.” We can all aspire to that. We can all do small things in great love.

How is the Spirit nudging you today? What small act of great love might be yours to do?